Fear drives human behavior, in one form or another. Afraid they would loose control, they scared me into doing as they wished. They leveraged their words with bible text. If I did not honor or do as they said, hell was mine to suffer. Growing up I was less of a deviant than I would have otherwise been for fear of what Damien would call accidental babies.
– Side note. If you ever get a chance to see him live, do it. Trust me, and take your girl! –
I would sell the Mini and buy a big diesel 4×4 that has to live out side the garage. I would drive this beast right up the median of the interstate through the morning traffic and piss people off right and left if I wasn’t do afraid of the right to carry and fire at will. We love the second amendment the most in TEXAS. I would move to an island in the Caribbean if I was not afraid of the certain skin cancers and lack of a job.

Never thought I could be a good husband and I fear that I still am not. My fear is of failure, and the one I fear the most is Fatherhood. Every one says I will be but why can’t I trust them? I don’t look at it as “my next challenge to conquer” it will be an honor, and with this will I constantly second guess my every move? Probably so. Maybe everyone has fear like this and I don’t know it. What I want to know is how do you keep everyone from knowing? Constantly running like the news ticker scrolling across my mental screen is this reminder not to let any one down. “Keep every one smiling – Make sure most of them like you. Be nice be nice be nice.”
Some of you deal with depression. I feel bad for you. I don’t have your problem I deal with paranoia. I love the days when I never really wake up and I can go through with the topical of sleep taking the edge off my risk calculations.