Today is one of those days when I really do wish I were someone else.
I drove into to work today alone. I thought what it would be like to be in my 1969 Mercedes SL. Ill take mine in brown with powder blue leather.  That would be cool.

Went to the Rehab center to have my shoulder and neck worked on; the office is in west lake. Just about undid all the good adjustment, gawking at a brand new Ferrari California. That would be cool.

A co-worker showed me how to see the insider trading for my company. Oh for that kind of financial freedom. That would be nice.
The matram of “thank you god for what I have been given” is harder said than it will be tomorrow.

I hate it when I am affected. When I am stressed and want to punch a freaking hole in the wall, or when I am fully aware that I have too much on my plate or it hits me I need to be a responsible person and all I really want to do is selfish stuff I don’t have time for; one of two things always tends to happen. Either I will crack to the ego be a man, be all hard, say something I’ll regret as soon as it has left my lips, OR I’ll feel the pressure know I need to deal with it, not deal with it hear a sappy song and cry.
I have been trying to be strong, trying to ward off feeling of wanting to quit wanting to give up, wanting to pack my bags and head for the ‘Ozark’ hills even though I know there is nothing there for me. Trying to please the list of people I want to think highly of me. Trying to be a good husband, Papi, friend, employee, volunteer, citizen, driver, drummer, leader, energy conserver, home owner, decision maker, recruiter, spreadsheet compiler, and graphic designer all while watching my portions and sugar intake. I feel like I am failing at least 50% of my list at least 50% of the time. The one thing I am afraid of is failing. I know I haven’t been given more than I can bear, just not very good at asking for help. Not help from any of you; I am talking over you now.
So sitting at my desk this morning, not well, I asked for something. Some release, a sappy song, some Celine Dion, Some help. Please give me something to help me push through this most stressful of weeks.
Get ready to hear Zach laughing all the way from Santa B.
OK so Mercy Me has this song I heard while shopping at Marshalls for nothing the other day.
Watch the video and then picture me feeling sorry for myself with my office door closed having what I like to refer to as a shower moment. As in – get out of here I am cleaning myself and there is nothing flattering about this.
Have a good laugh. I feel better.

“It is wrong
It is just plain wrong for a person to profit from some one else name.”
That is what the commentator said right before interviewing me for a show. I was like “the gall. And the pot calls the kettle black.” He blinked blankly back at me as if I weren’t making any sense. “You idiot, you think I am going to sit here and let you tell me what and what for? You got another thing coming.” I think he was so stunned no one said anything as I stood up untucked my shirt they insisted I tuck in and walked off the little stage, and straight out the door. I hate the 700 club and why had I even come here for an interview? I don’t need them, and of all the things to say at the start of an interview. Jerry Fallwell would have more tact. Good lord.  As I got in my car to leave I felt something at my back.  Yep I had taken their wireless microphone and I hope it was still on recording my mutterings all the way out of the place.
That is how my week started. All this fall-de-rall over some one making Jesus action figurines’.
I don’t care their cool. I don’t do figurines but heck why not if your into dust collectors and crap like that buy a “Jesus playing soccer with a young boy” item number 343356 if you want and why do I care if the Christian book store has them for sale or not.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many tie s you say it. I am Jesus’ brother. I was born when he was like 29 and I didn’t really know him.  We weren’t close or anything.
OK I am sorry; I said all that to say this. When you are not famous but your siblings are or in my case were the media is always gonna make you  out to be an idiot. And I hate it.
Case in point; Other than Janet or Michael (may he rest in peace) who of the other Jackson family is worth their salt huh? None of them. The Kardashians? Or however you spell their name. I mean if you wanna call Kim the famous one, what do the other kids have? The fat one is funny but um nothing. I mean I am sure these people are fine in their own right but don’t film them and make them look all stupid. The famous siblings shit smells just as bad and if they can piggy back a shoe designing career off your singing or sex tape with famous guys fame more power to them I say.
Someone make s a Jesus Action figuring and I am supposed to be upset that I didn’t think of that. Please.  That is not me. I don’t own the rights to his name; I am just his baby brother.

I am not having a productive week, and face book has taken up a ton of those little insignificant things that I say on here. Daine is …

READY FOR a day by the pool or something.
I found my self whispering out of the car window at people in town while I was out for lunch. People who were just having a nice day off and enjoying them selves, I would whisper “I wont that” like the lady to her timid husband while uncle Rico unloads Tupperware on them.

I am jealous of Zach and his Disney trip even though that would be near the last of things I would want to do. Go to an amusement park with family.
I love them and all but when think get away I think really getting away from stuff and being out in the wilderness somewhere. Some where when you get home you Google earths it and think how the heck I even got there.
Was that beach really that long, or wow there really wasn’t anything over that next ridge. What ever floats your boat I guess?
The idea of a day where I had nothing to do if I didn’t want would be nice

Want to see something really cool?
Of course you do.

My friends James and Elizabeth do some amazing freeze frame action and they captured the sweetness that is my baby.
Let’s just say you live in Central Texas and you want some pictures don’t say I never told you who to go to. I mean just look at my girls wow so hot. And to think people I live with these ladies. See; I need a son to help bring the universe back into balance. Alas, it will stay lopsided for a while hopefully.

Check out their site or here to see more.

vignettephoto.com

You know that serenity prayer? “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Amen. –Reinhold Niebuhr

Remember that? Or maybe I just get more random prayer request emails thank you because it is supposed that my karma is as pure and honest as smooth and creamy processed cheese. Any way I was thinking about that to day, no the whole deal about living one day at a time and all that non-sense, but “the accept what I can’t change” and “courage to change things that are well with in my control”. And really in life that is more what I need than anything. I am afraid to the most retarded most insignificant things. We need to spray the house for ants and spiders and that has me freaking out. I don’t want the baby to breathe anything that will harm her, but want to not have a spider bite her. what to do ? what to do?

I feel so scattered some times and so hyper stressed I have been looking at was to better focus and calm my nerves. I thought about smoking but then there’s the smell and cancer yeah yeah. Some hippie at work suggested Pot but then there is the smell and the cops and the cost and the jail time and yeah it is just not worth it. I pray for the serenity but I feel as if I am George Costanza’s father yelling “SERENITY NOW” and it is not working. The question is; is there a time when I can pray for something having little or no faith and that be OK? I can’t find where it is. Faith is the key ingredient and if you are low on faith you are s-o-l. This feeling makes me think what is the use? I am a rat, in a cage, a hamster on my wheel, a dog on the track chasing the ever elusive rabbit, around and around.
And though I know I know that I know I really do have a hope (and not just the Brand that is ever so popular by Barak Obama’s t-shirts.) I wish I could turn my hope into faith. I need to turn my futures trading into cold hard coin.

i woke up this morning and my arms were completely numb. The radio was playing npr’s semi annual beg-a-thon and my cell phone alarm was going off. I have this alarm sound that sounds like a Israeli bombing raid warning siren. I was having a tough time getting the alarm snoozed. i finally got up and when I stood my head felt as if it had been hit on both sides simultaneously with two 4 x 6’s. Like two major league baseball players batter batter batter … swing swang swung and connected at the same instant. I almost fell down it hurt so bad. It was 6.30 and time to get my butt out of bed but I could not. I dove back because once standing I realized I can’t feel my legs they are numb from my waist down; as are my arms.
That is how I have started this morning. Then I sat in traffic for a solid hour and arrived to work about and hour and a half later than what i like.
it is going to be a great Wednesday.
Little got her shots yesterday and although I was leaning away from giving her the shots altogether or at least until she is 5. So pray none of the horror stories people tell you about vaccinations pan here.
She did ok with the shot, just kind of fussy and wanting to be held. But hey from what I can tell that is most of the time. I know I would be! Have you seen her momma?

It is so easy to post videos and get responses.
But I am not easy-ing out today.
So we are getting ready for the hurricane and the fall out. I am so ready I hope it hits us dead on, by the time it here all well get is some rain.
I would even venture to guess that the whole thing will turn at the last second and we will not see a single droplet of rain from the whole storm system. You laugh but it has happened before.
Yesterday was a full one, Karina and Jade came to my office for a visit and you know how that goes. You start small with one or two people coming by to say hello then before you know it you have to run a file to some one and you take the baby and every one wants to say hello.

So yesterday before they arrived Karina asked a sleeping baby Jade to smile for daddy and on cue she had a gas bubble in her tummy and she gave me a smile.

And the night before that we went to Culvers and she wanted to be on the table so she could see us. In the picture here she is all bundled up and you might be thinking “what your baby is out in the cold and you sat outside?” but I promise it was a nice breezy 97 degrees out and she was plenty warm. No but she wanted to be in the middle of the action she did not want to sit in the car seat on the ground between us.

No up on the table so she could see us I guess. Isn’t it funny how I say she wanted something how do I know any of this I don’t have anything to base it on other than a little whimpering cry on the ground vs. nothing on the table. Thanks for not pointing out my parenting naïveté.

yeah so i am waiting patiently and i know a few of you are too for the next big thing my friend Zach is going to inspire me with.
He has had a banner page up for sometime. it is kicking banner page may i add.
comment here and we’ll use it as a petition for him to take a friday off and just write us a token post or something.

older ZDFySzlr pagers are mellowJohnny and the addict.

Team?

this ain’t no team.